Vic | 22 | Human
Day 1

I miss you. More than you know. I’ve decided to pick up writing every day (at least once). You’re always on my mind. Never in my life did I think that I’d be graced with you in my every day existence. Sometimes I think I’m dreaming. I love you so much. It physically hurts to know that you’re not here. That I have to sleep alone. It’s heartbreaking to know that I have to come here, to this house, to find my bed empty. It is so ignorant of my parents to not allow you over. Why is it so hard for them to see that you make me happy? Who cares about details? In the long run, our lives have nothing to do with theirs. But enough about that. When it gets down to it, they are not my focus. My focus is spending the rest of my life with you. I used to dread waking up in the morning. I used to want, more than anything, to be gone. Gone and most definitely forgotten. I felt that whatever happened to me didn’t matter. And it’s like you walked into my life right when the door was shutting. I wanted so badly to disappear. I wanted more than anything to fade out. I had done everything I could (at the moment) to be content enough to leave this world. I had made my mark, I had fucked up in all the right places. And that was gonna be it. Dead in the water, just a ripple that didn’t matter. But then you gave my life meaning. You put that spark in my eyes that wasn’t there before. And for that, I thank you. You helped me realize that I can be something for someone. You made me realize that I am important. I can’t stress it enough. You pulled me out of the bottom of my lowest point. And now I feel like I can do anything. I love you. And I will always be by your side. Thank you so much for everything. I love you, Cara.

You’re slipping. Really, it’s disappointing at this point. The fact that you got so comfortable in doing good, and you were doing so well, that you just decide that it’s okay to start caring less. You’re a lot of talk. And when I say a lot of talk, I mean it. You talk about loyalty and friendship. And I trust that to a point, but c’mon man, don’t let me down for something trivial like drugs. I’ve been there, and I’ve done that. That’s why I stopped being around that so much. Drugs make you a different person. And you even said that you agreed. 

I don’t care, do what you want. I’m not your mom. But the fact that you lied to me, of all people. You changed your story around multiple times. Showed up late to leave early, didn’t tell anyone anything. 

You’re whipped. And you aren’t even dating her. It’s sad. I was there, I know that feeling. You don’t feel trapped, you feel like you can handle it. But I hate to break it to you, it’ll drain you. And maybe you should listen to me for once and take my advice on this one. Because I actually know what I’m talking about here.

You’ve been where I have yet to trod, and I probably won’t go down that path. Just like I’ve been where you haven’t. It’s not a bragging competition. And it’s not a let’s compare scars and body counts. It’s a genuine, I see this girl treating you like shit for no reason and you have got to get out.

But when you start putting someone like that before a true friend and lying in her behalf, that’s when I stop trusting you. 

I may be able to jump off rooftops with you, but I can’t trust your words anymore, and that makes me sad.

Wow, shut the fuck up.

I’m so sick of people.

Now I know
Gotta live life on my toes.

I was totally wrong about you. It should’ve gone differently. I hate that though. Now I feel like things are different. Which sucks. I don’t get why people have to be so stubborn. Adaptation is a very important thing. And the fact that you think I’m not doing things simply because I’m on a leash is ridiculous. Don’t tell me about being careful, when you’re setting yourself up in a position of pain. 

I’ve walked the same path. You’re always talking on how you were raised, what’s happened to you. I remember when that’s all I would harp on. And that shows how much I’ve grown in my journey.

I keep forgetting that you’re young. And I hope for your sake, whenever you grow up, that you’ll realize all the things you misinterpreted.

Not everyone is out to get you. And you really need to look at the bigger picture, and stop playing the victim. Trust me. 

I’ve been on the front lines for that warzone. And playing victim will get you nowhere fast.

These past few months have been really stressful. I’m sick and tired of feeling this way. I’m trying to be positive, but it hard. And I’m scared now to express how I’m feeling. Because so many people want to slap a label on me. I’m struggling to be okay. Yeah, I can be stubborn and hard-headed. But I think people forget that I’ve been through a lot too. And I’m still around. It’s not the end of me. I’m just trying. And that’s all I really can do.

I just got home from the park. I went there with Ryan. He’s really easy to talk to, it’s unfortunate that so many people don’t understand him. He’s been through a lot, and we share a lot of similarities. You don’t meet people like that now. Most people see him as a really loud silly person, but he’s actually quite genuine. I hope things start looking up for him, because he deserves it.

My mom is so cute. Lately she’s really been trying to understand what’s going on with me. She’s come really far in the last few years and I’m so proud of her for that.

I’m in such an odd place of mind right now. I’m grieving over the loss of a close family friend, which is something I’ve never experienced before. I’m also having a hard time at work. Things were going great for a while, but now I see how much bullshit I’m dealing with. It’s really ridiculous. 

I don’t want to get too much into it, but I’m not being treated fairly, and it’s finally wearing on me.

I’m a person too.

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